I'm Gonna Start a Tie Shawl

I have had such a hard time just looking at all the Bunny!! I couldn't keep my hands off it so I keep thinking about a gazillion projects I could start with it. I know I need to do some blending and put some on my Etsy, but once in awhile I like to do something for me first. Which sounds kind of funny when I write it as I don't keep much for myself anyway! The Bunny will make the yarn a bit fuzzy so I didn't think a Lacy pattern would be the best choice, I happened to think of the Danish Tie shawl I had seen at Dorothea's site and decided that would be the ticket! She really has some great patterns, her site is under the pattern section on my blog page. Then I couldn't decide about color. I really wanted some Shetland in the mix somewhere. I had some light grey I could get to so out it came.Then I have all the Alpaca I had dyed, it only made sense to start blending. I love pastels and blending it this way really muted the colors, I am please with the results. The pics don't show the color as good as I would like. It is a very light Lavender and a Apricot.

This is the pattern I am going to use. The third color is going to be a Teal color, hopefully I will get some blended today to see how it is going to look. You really wouldn't believe how soft this is, I am going to use singles I think depending on what it tells me when I start to spin :)

I also took my spinning wheels apart yesterday and cleaned, dusted and dressed each of them so they are all happy to spin for an other 6 months or so.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

Why Thanksgiving Once a Year?

So I've been thinking, I find since I have been blogging I actually spend more time thinking :) Why is it that I start thinking about what I am thankful for the week of Thanksgiving? It's not that I don't thank the Lord everyday for the things he does for me , it's just that I don't take the time to think about the big things. So today I have been thinking, if I had to narrow it down to one thing that I am overwhelmingly thankful for what would it be? I think that this year it is that I am slowly moving on thru my grief of Jeffery. I have had a problem with the idea "moving on". It has felt like everytime I let myself think that, I was leaving behind Jeffery. I am now starting to realize that moving on is now taking on a new meaning for me. I am accepting that he isn't here anymore, I have my memories and he will always be in my heart. What I am moving on from isn't Jeffery, it is my grief. Believe me when I say, that is a good thing. What a relief it is to have that horrible cloud only over me once in a while. Not to feel the hole in my gut when I think of him, but to get a smile. To be able to forget, even for a moment the loss I have had. To get excited about my life and not feel that guilt. To go to sleep at night and not have the tears as I say good night to him. To have my husband look at me and not see the sadness in my eyes most of the time. To really realize that he is much happier than I at this time and not begrudge him that. To not look at the chair in the living room he always sat in and start to cry, but have a smile as his legs were so long he looked funny in the other ones ;) To forgive his wife for being so hurtful, instead of letting my grief turn to hatred towards her. To realize there is a little pocket in my mind I can put my grief and have more of a choice when I take it out when I feel the need. To be able to listen to another mom that has experience the same loss and let her have her grief instead of turning it into mine. I am beginning to realize that although grief is something I will never get rid of, I can not let it consume me, I have that choice. It has never felt like a choice, it has felt like a sentence. There is life after death, in more than the way I have always thought. Thru Jeffery's death I have found God has shown me a special purpose in my life. I don't know if I would have found it otherwise. Everyone has a special purpose, maybe that was God's plan. I can certainly question that plan, and not like it and will never understand it. I have to trust in him that it is the best plan. So I will make use of the purpose he has shown me, as it would be a huge disservice to Jeffery to not. So I am thankful this year in a sorrowful way, but thankful none the less for the way God has shown me I can get thru this with his love and help. That he has put a new challenge in front of me that I will pursue with his help and guidance to the best of my ability. Pray that he will continue to give me the courage and strength to live the rest of my life as a example to other people who have experienced the type of loss I have experienced, that with his help, you can get thru anything he puts in front of you.

So last but not least! I want to thank all of you, for all the hours of enjoyment, the support, all the learning and sharing I have gotten from everyone that has posted on my blog, let me participate on the lists and become my "puter friends".

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!

Finally Pictures!!!!

Seems like it has taken me forever. I hate to end posts on a "not so happy note". So today I have pics!!!!

I met a very nice lady on the Internet.

Take a look :0

I was so thrilled.

Now my little mind is a workin, what should I blend it with? What should I make? What a pattern? Do the rest of you take so much time planning projects? It takes me almost as long to figure what I going to make as it does to make it!! Of course I love looking on the Internet for patterns, and going thru all my old magazines ewing and awing over patterns.

I have some lovely Shetland in a light grey that I think is calling my name on this :))

I have also been working on Heathers scarf of the hat,gloves and scarf set. She was at 20 degrees this morning and walks Hayden to school in the morning so I'm thinking I need to spend some time on that for her!!! This is the pattern I'm using. Do you know how hard it is to find a pattern for a matching set of all 3?

Heather loves purple, I have some yarn that was some of the first yarn I ever spun, eeekkk over 10 years ago, I don't even remember all that is in it, except mohair and angora. Looks like maybe Merino, it's all very soft. But it is overspun in some spots and not really even. But it is giving it a nice texture and when it's blocked I think it will be pretty.
It changes color and texture so much I am switching from skein to skein so it will look consistent when I am done.

Here is a picture of the scarf so far.

I also came across my first attempt at weaving! It is a rug I never finished, wasn't happy with the weight. But it's interesting to look at now. The warp is Hemp and the weft is a hand spun yucky yellow wool and the rest is Linen. I got a kick out of it, I may just weave in the loose ends and put in front of the back door.

Here is a picture or the Salish taupe yarn I am spinning for this! It is so springy! This is the neatest fleece. The silver I have is much like very soft mohair, the brown and taupe is very crimpy and soft. I haven't gotten the white, except the lamb, washed yet so I'm not sure what it will resemble.

I have eyed this for a long time, but haven't been in an area where I could really wear it. Well this year in NC, it looks like it will be cold enough. Now will I have it done in time to wear it this year? Probably not :(

I also got a couple of pictures of the goats yesterday, they are so cute!

They are Boar goats, as you can see they talk and smile!

Smiddy smiling

Little Candy :)

Her hiney is getting so furry, I think I see spinning in her future!

Then there was this little thing that followed me home the other day.I just turned around and there it was :)
She is a Union Special Loom made for rugs in the early 1900's. Made of mostly oak and in good condition. After we move I will get her all cleaned up and ready to go! It's the only 2 shaft loom I have and will be perfect for making fleece rugs.

I am so anxious to get all my looms set up, I'm sure it will take me a year to get them all warped!

So I am going to start my socks today. There is a yahoo group I joined to learn how to make socks from the toe up to fit any foot, any yarn, any needles. That will come in handy as I spin all my yarns and have many different feet to knit for!

This is some Salish I'm going to knit my spinnin socks out of,

I don't know if I am weird, but I sure do enjoy the yahoo groups I belong to. There is one I can't post to :( but the rest I really like. I have developed a fond relationship with the members and look forward to hearing of their projects, learning from them and sharing mine. I usually check in when I take a break thru out the day.

I also really enjoy blogs! I am in awe of some peoples! They are so elegant in their writings, explain things so well, and have posts that are so interesting. It can be very intimidating! I am going to take the time to add some good links to mine this week. I would l really like to search out some good ones for knitting, spinning, weaving and quilting. I haven't added any for quilting and I really enjoy it, but haven't had the time to really participate in that activity for a while. I have had 2 quilt tops finished for several years! One for my "step" ( won't pref ice that again as she is more than that ) mom and one for my hubby. I actually have the batting and backing all basted and ready to quilt for my mom. It's in a box :( O well I do have the best intentions :)

My leg!! It just isn't getting better. I'm not sure what they are going to do. I will see the Dr at the end of the week if it doesn't look any better. I don't have any health ins. at the moment becasue of the job move hubby has made. So to go into the hospital at this point really isn't an option! Maybe just more antibiotics. It's still red and hot and hard! I keep thinking every morning I will wake up and it will be gone!

I've had way to much time on my hands with hubby up north and really miss him. I didn't really realize how much we shared at the end of the day, or through out the day as far as that goes! We draw alot of strength from each other on those not so good days too. Hopefully we will be able to finish this move by mid Dec.

I am also finding I don't make good use of my time without those "deadlines" when you have that extra person in your life you work around. My mom has had that since my dad passed a year ago. It's is very easy to wander and not accomplish things thru out the day. Maybe it's age! Oh No!

Leg on the Mend!

So today I went to see the Dr about the leg again, it is much better. But I am having a reaction to the Tetanus shot! My whole arm and shoulder is swollen and soooo sore, red and hot! She said I probably wouldn't be getting one of these anytime soon again! I remembered when I was a teenager, way back then, that I got really sick from a tetanus shot. But my leg looked so bad, I figured, it had been a long time ago and I probably was just being a baby. Well, now I remember!! Boy for being fairly healthy, this has been the pitts.
Today, I am going to give spinning a go again. I really want to finish the sock yarn on the Mach 1. I need to give her a name. Names really aren't my thing. Maybe wheel 1 and wheel 2?
Atleast now, we won't have to watch any more politics for a while!! Even though I am very disappointed at the out come, I am grateful for that!
I also need to get my room empty and ready to move. Get the trailer that hubby is staying in cleaned for him this week end, and start packing stuff up. I had an interesting question posted to me today and it made me stop and think. What are you worried about, anxiety over change? I have never really been a person to not roll with the flow. I haven't been controlling, or up tight. So when did this all change? Then it hit me. I got so scared when I couldn't do anything for Jeffery. The whole world changed in a split second for ever. Not just my world, the future of his wife and children, his sister, his dad, mine, everyone who knew him. I now feel scared because I now know, I really don't know what will happen, that I can do anything about it, or what is coming. Now it's not like I didn't know it before! I know who is in control. It is just so easy to say you "know" but then to let him do that! I feel like I am hanging on to something for dear life afraid to let go. I'm not quite sure what it is. It feels like change is my enemy and is very frightening. Now in my mind, I can work thru it, but in my heart and gut, the anxiety is over whelming. I haven't really spent much time trying to work my way thru our loss. I don't think you can, and just getting thru each day is such a exhausting job allot of the time, I feel encouraged to be able to do that. But I guess I also need to get back on track some what to my old self. I have turned off most all feelings except grief, fear and anxiety. But I can put on a happy face! I don't think that is unusual under these types of events, it is very hard to give yourself permission to feel anything else. I also had another mother tell me she got angry when people said they were sorry for her loss. She didn't feel that they understood. She's right. It's a different kind of anger I think. For me it's "why me" " what are you sorry about you have your son" " sorry doesn't even begin to touch it" I could go on and on but you get the point. People are very uncomfortable being around people after they have lost a child, they don't like you to talk about them, how you are feeling and how bad you hurt. They say silly things like "You'll get thru this" or " it'll be okay" "be thankful you have grandchildren" I know they try. Sometimes you just can't say any thing. It's been 2 years for me, and I have stopped crying everyday. I get that hole in my gut several times a day instead of all day. I can get a smile on my face once in a great while when I think of him instead of just tears. I can remind myself I can still enjoy life from time to time. But I hadn't realized I was carrying that fear with me on a daily basis. Thanks Michelle, if you hadn't posed that question, I may not have taken the time to think about it :) So I am going to approach this move as a new adventure. Work harder to have more good days that hard ones, more good thoughts than sad ones, more calm days than anxious ones, and most important, more faith and trust in him that put me here and loved me enough to give his son for me.