This Month

Well, no pictures today. This is one of the hardest months, other than December which is Jeffery's birthday. I try so hard to keep busy this month, but grief sneaks up on me anyway. We don't talk about it often, it's like you open a damn when you do. I miss Jeffery so much, and his children also. I have drafted a letter to send Jane his wife to ask for pictures of him and the kids. Like so many people, I wasn't very careful with the pictures I had of him and the kids, I lost the most precious ones off one of our computers right after he died. They were of his last Christmas and my email dumped. I am crushed. Then I was getting copies of all the pictures Jane had, and now with no contact I haven't gotten those either. I have been wanting to start a scrapbook for the kids, showing what their daddy was like when he was their age, but every time I start working on it, I am in a teary state for days. I know 2 years sounds like a long time, but it seems like yesterday. I still get this awful hurt in my gut that is so deep at times you wonder if you will live thru it. Then you wonder if you want to. I know I am here for a reason, I know he was here for a reason, I can look at those 4 little kids and see why! I can't wait till we get to see them again.
Well this was a yucky post, but sometimes I just need to write it down and I feel better.