Friday, November 28, 2008

I'm Gonna Start a Tie Shawl

I have had such a hard time just looking at all the Bunny!! I couldn't keep my hands off it so I keep thinking about a gazillion projects I could start with it. I know I need to do some blending and put some on my Etsy, but once in awhile I like to do something for me first. Which sounds kind of funny when I write it as I don't keep much for myself anyway! The Bunny will make the yarn a bit fuzzy so I didn't think a Lacy pattern would be the best choice, I happened to think of the Danish Tie shawl I had seen at Dorothea's site and decided that would be the ticket! She really has some great patterns, her site is under the pattern section on my blog page. Then I couldn't decide about color. I really wanted some Shetland in the mix somewhere. I had some light grey I could get to so out it came.Then I have all the Alpaca I had dyed, it only made sense to start blending. I love pastels and blending it this way really muted the colors, I am please with the results. The pics don't show the color as good as I would like. It is a very light Lavender and a Apricot.

This is the pattern I am going to use. The third color is going to be a Teal color, hopefully I will get some blended today to see how it is going to look. You really wouldn't believe how soft this is, I am going to use singles I think depending on what it tells me when I start to spin :)
I also took my spinning wheels apart yesterday and cleaned, dusted and dressed each of them so they are all happy to spin for an other 6 months or so.
Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Why Thanksgiving Once a Year?

So I've been thinking, I find since I have been blogging I actually spend more time thinking :) Why is it that I start thinking about what I am thankful for the week of Thanksgiving? It's not that I don't thank the Lord everyday for the things he does for me , it's just that I don't take the time to think about the big things. So today I have been thinking, if I had to narrow it down to one thing that I am overwhelmingly thankful for what would it be? I think that this year it is that I am slowly moving on thru my grief of Jeffery. I have had a problem with the idea "moving on". It has felt like everytime I let myself think that, I was leaving behind Jeffery. I am now starting to realize that moving on is now taking on a new meaning for me. I am accepting that he isn't here anymore, I have my memories and he will always be in my heart. What I am moving on from isn't Jeffery, it is my grief. Believe me when I say, that is a good thing. What a relief it is to have that horrible cloud only over me once in a while. Not to feel the hole in my gut when I think of him, but to get a smile. To be able to forget, even for a moment the loss I have had. To get excited about my life and not feel that guilt. To go to sleep at night and not have the tears as I say good night to him. To have my husband look at me and not see the sadness in my eyes most of the time. To really realize that he is much happier than I at this time and not begrudge him that. To not look at the chair in the living room he always sat in and start to cry, but have a smile as his legs were so long he looked funny in the other ones ;) To forgive his wife for being so hurtful, instead of letting my grief turn to hatred towards her. To realize there is a little pocket in my mind I can put my grief and have more of a choice when I take it out when I feel the need. To be able to listen to another mom that has experience the same loss and let her have her grief instead of turning it into mine. I am beginning to realize that although grief is something I will never get rid of, I can not let it consume me, I have that choice. It has never felt like a choice, it has felt like a sentence. There is life after death, in more than the way I have always thought. Thru Jeffery's death I have found God has shown me a special purpose in my life. I don't know if I would have found it otherwise. Everyone has a special purpose, maybe that was God's plan. I can certainly question that plan, and not like it and will never understand it. I have to trust in him that it is the best plan. So I will make use of the purpose he has shown me, as it would be a huge disservice to Jeffery to not. So I am thankful this year in a sorrowful way, but thankful none the less for the way God has shown me I can get thru this with his love and help. That he has put a new challenge in front of me that I will pursue with his help and guidance to the best of my ability. Pray that he will continue to give me the courage and strength to live the rest of my life as a example to other people who have experienced the type of loss I have experienced, that with his help, you can get thru anything he puts in front of you.

So last but not least! I want to thank all of you, for all the hours of enjoyment, the support, all the learning and sharing I have gotten from everyone that has posted on my blog, let me participate on the lists and become my "puter friends".

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!!